No one told me that the road from FLABulocity to FABulocity would be an easy one. Nor did anyone promise me that it would be filled with joy. Truthfully, it has been a very emotional journey...and it's only week two! For some reason the song Emotion by the Bee Gees resonated with me today and I thought wow...dieting is sort of like breaking up with someone you love, in this case it's breaking up with the past relationship I had with food.
There is definitely a level of separation anxiety and a depression that sets in. Depression in the sense that something is missing from your life and you know the relationship will never be the same. You look at people eating and enjoying their relationship with food, knowing that at this point you can't have THAT...it's very saddening. There is also a level JEALOUSY when I see other people eating, knowing that they are having a sense of enjoyment and bond with their meal.
I know that in the very near future I will have to establish a new relationship with food. The part that is scary in entering a new partnership with food is...not knowing if it will be a healthy pairing or end up just like the other. Regardless of what it will look like, I know ultimately that I have the control over it and not the other way around. The CHOICES THAT I MAKE will dictate how I look and feel in the future.
Thinking back when I quit smoking, over two years ago. I had the same sort of detachment anxiety that I am having with food today. I did a lot of sleeping when I quit smoking - I know that was definitely a form of depression. Nevertheless, I knew that my 20-year relationship with cigarettes would have to be a total break and I could never have that part of my life EVER return. With food, it's totally different, I still live with it everyday and know that it will always be a part of my life...it's something I can never deny. How do I know that I can make the healthy change and live a life with food that is positive? The answer to that question can only come from within and it's still something that I am sorting out. At this point, I don't know how positive that change will be, but I do know I am taking the steps necessary to make a a conscious choice.
In coming to terms with all this change, I know there will be peaks and valleys that I experience on this journey. I also realize that at this point it's normal to be moody and have a little sadness when it comes to food. It's okay to be jealous and to want and to need and to crave. However, my own will power to overcome is a new strength that will only help me in the long run. Some people may say that this process builds character! I think more of it as a journey that helps you realize all the things you've done wrong in the past and lessons learned to make the changes you WANT for the future.
In the end, knowing and accepting the fact that I have the control is the key to a successful relationship with food. Food or meals have no power over you. You definitely have the choice in enjoying a meal in moderation or over indulging in it, but you are the only one who can make that choice. So enjoy the ride, it may be bumpy at some points, but know at the end of it, you can either ride it again or walk away knowing that you have made the right change for you.
Facts for today:
Emotionally: Sad, feeling a sense of loss
Relationship with food: Missing not being able to eat some of my favorite things.
Lessons learned: Small changes lead to bigger things and at the end you will get your reward.
I am not sure how many people actually read my ramblings, but to those who do, thank you for hearing me out and for your support. Let me know how I can support you!
-Percy
I'm here for you!
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